Beta #2

We had our second beta today! My HCG level was 4,175 (which is right on track). My progesterone was still a little low (21.7) so they increased my progesterone suppositories to 3 times a day instead of two.

We also had our first ultrasound today! Based on my last cycle (March 5th) I should be 6 weeks and 6 days but we know that’s not right because I went to the clinic on the 18th and hadn’t ovulated yet. She said I was more than likely 2 weeks behind (which puts me around 5 weeks). We couldn’t see anything but the gestational and yolk sac but it was still so reassuring to see those on the ultrasound screen. She said it will be about 2 weeks until we see baby and the heartbeat.

Still needing all the prayers I can get ❤️

Today Was The Day

I went to the clinic this morning for my baseline blood work and ultrasound (CD3). Today was the day the doctor decided that it is time for us to move on to more “aggressive” measures. I am responding well to the letrozole so she wants us to move on to IUI. If the IUI is not successful this cycle, we will try IUI again next month with a combo cycle of letrozole and injectable meds (gonal-f).

This is exciting and nerve racking. I am excited to move on to the next step but I am oh so scared. I am scared of getting my hopes up and then being crushed. I am scared of jumping in to the next step because I know what comes after that step. I will post an update when CD14 arrives!

Timed Intercourse Cycle 2-BFN

I go back to the clinic on Wednesday for a pregnancy test. I decided to sneak yesterday and take a home test. I took the trigger shot so I assumed I would see a false positive. There was a very faint line (as expected). The heart break came today when I tested again and the faint line was completely gone. If I were pregnant, I assume the line would continue to get darker and not get lighter/disappear. I am not holding my breath for my appointment Wednesday because I am certain I am not pregnant.

Where do we go from here? I assume another round of timed intercourse with a trigger. Part of me wants to move on to IUI but I am also really scared to. I am not scared of the actual IUI, I am scared of rushing in to the next step. You know, the step before IVF. But part of me wants to do it because I am so damn tired of not being pregnant. I am so damn tired of not being a mom. I am so.damn.tired.

I am also not thrilled about having to pay out of pocket for an IUI right now. We are in the middle of filing our taxes but as of right now, we owe $1,900. We also have to start paying my student loans back next month which is going to be $1980 (or $220 a month). And the icing on the cake? I hit a deer in my car on Friday. Luckily, there was minor damage (mostly cosmetic) but to have it fixed, I will have to pay my $1000 deductible. All of these recent expenses (two of which are unexpected) are making me think we should wait until this summer (when things settle down a little) to try our first IUI.

One Week Followup

I returned to the clinic today for a one week follow up (approximately 7DPO) and a progesterone check. My progesterone came back at 10.3 (which I assume means I ovulated). However, the doctor said IF I’m pregnant, to maintain a health pregnancy, progesterone should be closer to 15. So she prescribed me progesterone suppositories (yuck). I start them tomorrow night so wish me luck! I am nervous about taking them and I am not thrilled with the fact that low progesterone is just one more issue added to my list.

I go back next Wednesday for my pregnancy test! I will update with the results (I feel certain it will be the same as every other pregnancy test I have taken). I need all the prayers I can get.

Finally Pulled The Trigger ðŸ˜±

I finished Letrozole last week and went to the clinic on Friday (CD 14) to check ovulation. Unfortunately, my follicles weren’t large enough yet. So I returned to the clinic on Monday morning for another check. Surprise surprise, still not time for ovulation. I went back this morning for another check (third times a charm, right?) and I was finally ready for ovulation! The nurse gave me my trigger shot (I am terrified of needles but it really wasn’t so bad) and instructed us to “get busy” for the next 3 days.

I will return to the clinic next Wednesday to check my progesterone levels and then again the following Wednesday for a pregnancy test. Please pray that this is a successful cycle!

“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”-Matthew 17:20

Progesterone Round Two

I went to the doctor last Monday because my cycle STILL hasn’t arrived. My last cycle was in November so the doctor decided to put me on progesterone (or the crazy pill as my husband calls it) to jump start it. This is my second time taking progesterone because up until now my cycles have been semi-regular. I stopped my Metformin in October because of the GI issues and I assume that is why my cycle has become more irregular.

The only side effect I have had (thus far) from the progesterone is drowsiness; which has actually been pretty amazing. I have gotten some of the best sleep since I started the progesterone! I am telling you, I haven’t sleep this good in YEARS! My husband has noticed me saying full sentences in my sleep since I stated the medication last Monday!

I am supposed to take the progesterone for 10 days and then my cycle will start within 10 days of the last pill. Once my cycle starts, we are back to our regular “timed intercourse” schedule. Baseline monitoring on the first and 14th day of my cycle, 5 days of letrozole, a trigger shot, and lots of “baby dancing.”

New year, Same (Infertile) Me?

New year, new me? Or new year, same (infertile) me? This is my first blog post of 2019 so i thought that would be an appropriate way to start it. I have never been so happy to say goodbye to a year as I was 2018. 2018 was a long hard year for me. 2018 brought me: PCOS and an infertility diagnosis, more tests, pills, bloodwork, and tears than I can count, the one year mark of our TTC journey, and assistance from a fertility clinic.

As excited as I am for 2019 to be here, I have a feeling this might our hardest year yet. You see, the fertility clinic has already told me that they only let you pursue “timed intercourse” for about 6 cycles before they recommend you move on to more advanced measures. That means this year will be the year we will have to make some big decisions on how we want to proceed (assuming we don’t conceive). Wish us luck! 💕

“Take a leap of faith and begin this wondrous new year by believing”- Sarah Ban Breathnach

A Year From Now

I came across this quote a few days ago on Facebook, “A year from now, everything you are stressing about won’t even matter.”

Reading this quote instantly reminded me of this time last year. I remember snuggling my nephew on Christmas Eve, while listening to “Santa” put his gifts together. I couldn’t help but think, will I ever get to be Santa? Last Christmas I was 8 months in to this journey and I was just starting to realize something may really be wrong. And this Christmas? I am 1 year and 8 months in to this journey.

The thing I was stressing about a year ago is exactly the same as today. I realize this quote is appropriate for some situations but unfortunately, not mine.

When Santa Brings You A BFN

I don’t take pregnancy tests (I may have mentioned this before). I did for the first few months of TTC and then I quit. I couldn’t stand seeing the BFN month after month. I haven’t taken a home test in about 8 months or so. Usually my cycle shows up before I even think about testing. The only time I test now is if the fertility clinic chooses to do so.

My period is about 15 days late (which is no surprise due to my PCOS). I decided I would take a test because what better day to surprise my hubs than Christmas? I imagined myself wrapping the test and giving it to my husband in front of our family. Of course, it was negative. Now I remember why I don’t test. I have never felt so sad on Christmas Day.

My Husband

Dedicated Blog Posts

When we started dating 10+ years ago, I had no idea we would end up where we are today. We have built a life together that most people dream of and for that I am thankful.

My heart is so full when it comes to you. I have come to realize that even if god doesn’t give us a child, I am still lucky because he gave me you. I promise to never let what I am missing interfere with what I have been given.

You are the most important part of my journey, because you have carried me through it.