I went to the doctor last Monday because my cycle STILL hasn’t arrived. My last cycle was in November so the doctor decided to put me on progesterone (or the crazy pill as my husband calls it) to jump start it. This is my second time taking progesterone because up until now my cycles have been semi-regular. I stopped my Metformin in October because of the GI issues and I assume that is why my cycle has become more irregular.
The only side effect I have had (thus far) from the progesterone is drowsiness; which has actually been pretty amazing. I have gotten some of the best sleep since I started the progesterone! I am telling you, I haven’t sleep this good in YEARS! My husband has noticed me saying full sentences in my sleep since I stated the medication last Monday!
I am supposed to take the progesterone for 10 days and then my cycle will start within 10 days of the last pill. Once my cycle starts, we are back to our regular “timed intercourse” schedule. Baseline monitoring on the first and 14th day of my cycle, 5 days of letrozole, a trigger shot, and lots of “baby dancing.”
Do you ever feel like every thing that could go wrong, is going wrong? Like the universe is working against you?
A list of things currently working against us becoming parents: PCOS, a uterus abnormality, low vitamin d, thyroid issues, low motility, and low morphology. The majority of these issues were just diagnosed in the last month. It has been an overwhelming few weeks, to say the least.
We are working with so many issues, I often wonder how we will ever make this work?
“Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you.”-Arnold Palmer
How is it already June?! How are we already half way through the year? When you are trying to conceive, realizing you are halfway through the year can be depressing.
Halfway through the year means you have about 6 more chances to try before next year (assuming you have regular cycles). If you have irregular cycles (🙋🏼♀️) you have less than that. Half a year seems like a long time but in terms of baby making, its only a few more tries.
Over the last year, I have prayed a lot. I mean A LOT. I have prayed that God will bless us with a child. I have prayed that God will show me a sign if it’s not meant to be. I have prayed so many prayers I couldn’t possibly list them all. However, the most common prayer I have prayed is “if not for me, then do it for him”. You see, My husband is amazing. I truly believe he hung the moon. He is everything I am not. He is kind, funny, selfless, and patient. He works so hard for our family and I know he will spoil our future child just as he spoils me. He deserves to have all of his dreams come true.
I often wonder what type of mother I will be but I never wonder what type of father he will be. I KNOW he will be the best father. I am sad that I may never get to be a mother but I am devastated that he may never get to be a father. I would take all of the hurt if it meant he didn’t have to feel one ounce of sadness. He shouldn’t have to suffer because my body is broken.
God, please bless us with a baby. If not for me, then do it for him. ❤️
“If I could take away his pain… If there was a way to transfer it from his soul onto mine. I would take it. Without hesitation I would take it all. Maybe that’s how you know you love someone.”-Rachel Van Dyken
Infertility has taught me that my marriage is bulletproof. If we can survive the struggle of infertility, we can survive anything. The depression, the heartache, the anger, and the stress of infertility will put a strain on anyone’s marriage. Only the strong can survive it. I am determined that is why God picked us for this struggle. I believe he picked us because he knows we are strong enough to survive the storm.
“A strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It’s usually a husband and wife taking turns being strong for the other.”-Ashley Willis
Infertility has taught me that you never know what other people are going through. The quote Be Kind; Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle has never been more true for me. I have struggled with infertility for over a year now and those around me have no idea. I can’t tell you how many times I have cried in the bathroom at work (usually over test results or negative ovulation test) and walked out like nothing was wrong. None of my coworkers or even my closest friends/family have any idea that I am falling apart right in front of them. I spend most days on the brink of tears and no one would ever know it. This has opened my eyes to the fact that we have no idea what someone else is going through. Just because someone smiles on the outside doesn’t mean they aren’t empty on the inside. Just because someone doesn’t smile on the outside doesn’t mean they are empty inside.
A few weeks ago, I decided to write down all the things infertility has taught me. My next few blog posts are going to be about the positive side of infertility. I know you are thinking, “what could possibly be positive about infertility?” I thought the same thing, until I made a list. Choosing to focus on the positive instead of dwell on the negative has really helped me lately. If you don’t have a list of what your struggle has taught you, what are you waiting for?