Word press friends, I need your help. I am f r e a k i n g out right now. Do you see what I see? Is this really happening? It’s 10 pm and I am out of pregnancy tests. I am going to the store first thing in the morning to buy 100 more (kidding, well, kinda).
I am in serious denial. I haven’t told my husband because I’m convinced this isn’t real. What if this is just a false positive? I haven’t taken anything other than letrozole, which I have taken about 7 times already (and never gotten a false positive). Could this me it? My BFP?
Surely, the good lord wouldn’t put me through a false positive after TTC for this long, right?
I will update tomorrow morning when I test using FMU. Wish me luck!
April is the month I dread all year long (well, since starting this journey). April 2017 is when my husband and I decided we were finally ready to start a family (one month after our 2 year wedding anniversary and two months after our 8 year dating anniversary). Once we made the decision, we were ready to get started right away. But here we are, 730+ days later, still waiting to start a family. Some days this journey is almost unbearable for me. And some days I don’t think about it much at all (I guess that’s called balance).
Cycle update: my cycle was supposed to start last week but it hasn’t. Assuming I’m not pregnant (let’s all laugh together) I will start progesterone again tomorrow. I hate the way the progesterone pills make me feel sometimes but I sleep soooooo good when I take them. The sleep makes all the other side effects worth it.
We are getting closer to our first IUI! Just waiting on my cycle to start so we can get the ball rolling! I will update more in a few days.
I went back to the clinic on Monday for my baseline ultrasound and labs. I talked to the doctor and after discussing our options, we decided to skip the IUI this month. The doctor wants us to start Gonal-F injectables in combination with Letrozole next cycle (she wanted us to start those this month but my insurance couldn’t ship it out fast enough). We have to pay $395 out of pocket for our IUI so I would rather wait until next month when I have the new meds to help with our chances.
I am really excited about trying IUI for the first time so I am kinda bummed that we are skipping this month. But it just makes more sense to wait until we have the new meds to try it. So this month we are just trying the good old fashion way + Letrozole.
I went to the clinic this morning for my baseline blood work and ultrasound (CD3). Today was the day the doctor decided that it is time for us to move on to more “aggressive” measures. I am responding well to the letrozole so she wants us to move on to IUI. If the IUI is not successful this cycle, we will try IUI again next month with a combo cycle of letrozole and injectable meds (gonal-f).
This is exciting and nerve racking. I am excited to move on to the next step but I am oh so scared. I am scared of getting my hopes up and then being crushed. I am scared of jumping in to the next step because I know what comes after that step. I will post an update when CD14 arrives!
I go back to the clinic on Wednesday for a pregnancy test. I decided to sneak yesterday and take a home test. I took the trigger shot so I assumed I would see a false positive. There was a very faint line (as expected). The heart break came today when I tested again and the faint line was completely gone. If I were pregnant, I assume the line would continue to get darker and not get lighter/disappear. I am not holding my breath for my appointment Wednesday because I am certain I am not pregnant.
Where do we go from here? I assume another round of timed intercourse with a trigger. Part of me wants to move on to IUI but I am also really scared to. I am not scared of the actual IUI, I am scared of rushing in to the next step. You know, the step before IVF. But part of me wants to do it because I am so damn tired of not being pregnant. I am so damn tired of not being a mom. I am so.damn.tired.
I am also not thrilled about having to pay out of pocket for an IUI right now. We are in the middle of filing our taxes but as of right now, we owe $1,900. We also have to start paying my student loans back next month which is going to be $1980 (or $220 a month). And the icing on the cake? I hit a deer in my car on Friday. Luckily, there was minor damage (mostly cosmetic) but to have it fixed, I will have to pay my $1000 deductible. All of these recent expenses (two of which are unexpected) are making me think we should wait until this summer (when things settle down a little) to try our first IUI.
I returned to the clinic today for a one week follow up (approximately 7DPO) and a progesterone check. My progesterone came back at 10.3 (which I assume means I ovulated). However, the doctor said IF I’m pregnant, to maintain a health pregnancy, progesterone should be closer to 15. So she prescribed me progesterone suppositories (yuck). I start them tomorrow night so wish me luck! I am nervous about taking them and I am not thrilled with the fact that low progesterone is just one more issue added to my list.
I go back next Wednesday for my pregnancy test! I will update with the results (I feel certain it will be the same as every other pregnancy test I have taken). I need all the prayers I can get.
I finished Letrozole last week and went to the clinic on Friday (CD 14) to check ovulation. Unfortunately, my follicles weren’t large enough yet. So I returned to the clinic on Monday morning for another check. Surprise surprise, still not time for ovulation. I went back this morning for another check (third times a charm, right?) and I was finally ready for ovulation! The nurse gave me my trigger shot (I am terrified of needles but it really wasn’t so bad) and instructed us to “get busy” for the next 3 days.
I will return to the clinic next Wednesday to check my progesterone levels and then again the following Wednesday for a pregnancy test. Please pray that this is a successful cycle!
“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”-Matthew 17:20