6 weeks and 4 days

I had my second ultrasound this morning and baby is measuring 6 weeks and 4 days with a heart rate of 120. The feeling of seeing that heartbeat on the screen is a feeling I will never be able to explain. Being pregnant still feels so surreal to me.

I have worried this whole time about the baby not having a heartbeat (infertility will make you worry about EVERYTHING when you’re pregnant) so seeing the heartbeat today was a huge milestone for me. I feel so relieved. The doctor also said the risk of miscarriage decreases significantly once the heartbeat is detected.

I go back for my next ultrasound and progesterone check next Monday! No more beta testing now that we have a heartbeat. Progesterone was 20.16 today and the nurse referred to it as “perfect.” 🎉

Beta #2

We had our second beta today! My HCG level was 4,175 (which is right on track). My progesterone was still a little low (21.7) so they increased my progesterone suppositories to 3 times a day instead of two.

We also had our first ultrasound today! Based on my last cycle (March 5th) I should be 6 weeks and 6 days but we know that’s not right because I went to the clinic on the 18th and hadn’t ovulated yet. She said I was more than likely 2 weeks behind (which puts me around 5 weeks). We couldn’t see anything but the gestational and yolk sac but it was still so reassuring to see those on the ultrasound screen. She said it will be about 2 weeks until we see baby and the heartbeat.

Still needing all the prayers I can get ❤️

Explaining Life With Infertility

Now that our friends are finding out we are pregnant, the first question seems to be “how long were y’all trying?” When I tell them we have tried for years, most of them have genuine questions about our infertility journey (and infertility in general). The best way I can explain infertility to someone who doesn’t know what it’s like is by reading them this blog post:

https://growingmamas.wordpress.com/2018/08/13/waiting-for-my-ticket/

One week

It’s been one week/7 days/168 hours/10080 minutes/604800 seconds since finding out we are pregnant. It still seems so surreal.

No one prepared me for the stress and worry that follows a BFP. The last two years I have worried so much about getting pregnant, I never thought about what it would be like to actually be pregnant.

I am so worried there will be no heart beat, or it will be an ectopic pregnant, or I will miscarry. I know normal people worry about this but no one worries as much as someone who has been TTC for a while.

I will feel better after Monday’s appointment. I’ll find out if my numbers are doubling and I’ll get my first ultrasound.

So Many Emotions-BFP Confirmed

Bloodwork today confirmed that I am PREGNANT! I have never felt so many emotions at the same time. I am happy, excited, scared, shocked, and the list goes on and on. It just feels so surreal. I just can’t fathom it; I have a house full of fertility injections and an IUI scheduled for the end of this month.

My HCG was 495 today and my progesterone was 12.6. She said my progesterone was a little lower than she would like so I will start the progesterone suppositories twice a day.

I will return to the clinic next week to repeat labs and make sure that my HCG continues to rise. Soooo many prayers are needed.

Help! Possible trigger?

Word press friends, I need your help. I am f r e a k i n g out right now. Do you see what I see? Is this really happening? It’s 10 pm and I am out of pregnancy tests. I am going to the store first thing in the morning to buy 100 more (kidding, well, kinda).

I am in serious denial. I haven’t told my husband because I’m convinced this isn’t real. What if this is just a false positive? I haven’t taken anything other than letrozole, which I have taken about 7 times already (and never gotten a false positive). Could this me it? My BFP?

Surely, the good lord wouldn’t put me through a false positive after TTC for this long, right?

I will update tomorrow morning when I test using FMU. Wish me luck!

April

April is the month I dread all year long (well, since starting this journey). April 2017 is when my husband and I decided we were finally ready to start a family (one month after our 2 year wedding anniversary and two months after our 8 year dating anniversary). Once we made the decision, we were ready to get started right away. But here we are, 730+ days later, still waiting to start a family. Some days this journey is almost unbearable for me. And some days I don’t think about it much at all (I guess that’s called balance).

Cycle update: my cycle was supposed to start last week but it hasn’t. Assuming I’m not pregnant (let’s all laugh together), I will start progesterone again tomorrow. I hate the way the progesterone pills make me feel sometimes but I sleep soooooo good when I take them. The sleep makes all the other side effects worth it.

We are getting closer to our first IUI! Just waiting on my cycle to start so we can get the ball rolling! I will update more in a few days.

CD18 Update-Postponed IUI

I went back to the clinic on Monday for my baseline ultrasound and labs. I talked to the doctor and after discussing our options, we decided to skip the IUI this month. The doctor wants us to start Gonal-F injectables in combination with Letrozole next cycle (she wanted us to start those this month but my insurance couldn’t ship it out fast enough). We have to pay $395 out of pocket for our IUI so I would rather wait until next month when I have the new meds to help with our chances.

I am really excited about trying IUI for the first time so I am kinda bummed that we are skipping this month. But it just makes more sense to wait until we have the new meds to try it. So this month we are just trying the good old fashion way + Letrozole.

Today Was The Day

I went to the clinic this morning for my baseline blood work and ultrasound (CD3). Today was the day the doctor decided that it is time for us to move on to more “aggressive” measures. I am responding well to the letrozole so she wants us to move on to IUI. If the IUI is not successful this cycle, we will try IUI again next month with a combo cycle of letrozole and injectable meds (gonal-f).

This is exciting and nerve racking. I am excited to move on to the next step but I am oh so scared. I am scared of getting my hopes up and then being crushed. I am scared of jumping in to the next step because I know what comes after that step. I will post an update when CD14 arrives!

Timed Intercourse Cycle 2-BFN

I go back to the clinic on Wednesday for a pregnancy test. I decided to sneak yesterday and take a home test. I took the trigger shot so I assumed I would see a false positive. There was a very faint line (as expected). The heart break came today when I tested again and the faint line was completely gone. If I were pregnant, I assume the line would continue to get darker and not get lighter/disappear. I am not holding my breath for my appointment Wednesday because I am certain I am not pregnant.

Where do we go from here? I assume another round of timed intercourse with a trigger. Part of me wants to move on to IUI but I am also really scared to. I am not scared of the actual IUI, I am scared of rushing in to the next step. You know, the step before IVF. But part of me wants to do it because I am so damn tired of not being pregnant. I am so damn tired of not being a mom. I am so.damn.tired.

I am also not thrilled about having to pay out of pocket for an IUI right now. We are in the middle of filing our taxes but as of right now, we owe $1,900. We also have to start paying my student loans back next month which is going to be $1980 (or $220 a month). And the icing on the cake? I hit a deer in my car on Friday. Luckily, there was minor damage (mostly cosmetic) but to have it fixed, I will have to pay my $1000 deductible. All of these recent expenses (two of which are unexpected) are making me think we should wait until this summer (when things settle down a little) to try our first IUI.