I go back to the clinic on Wednesday for a pregnancy test. I decided to sneak yesterday and take a home test. I took the trigger shot so I assumed I would see a false positive. There was a very faint line (as expected). The heart break came today when I tested again and the faint line was completely gone. If I were pregnant, I assume the line would continue to get darker and not get lighter/disappear. I am not holding my breath for my appointment Wednesday because I am certain I am not pregnant.
Where do we go from here? I assume another round of timed intercourse with a trigger. Part of me wants to move on to IUI but I am also really scared to. I am not scared of the actual IUI, I am scared of rushing in to the next step. You know, the step before IVF. But part of me wants to do it because I am so damn tired of not being pregnant. I am so damn tired of not being a mom. I am so.damn.tired.
I am also not thrilled about having to pay out of pocket for an IUI right now. We are in the middle of filing our taxes but as of right now, we owe $1,900. We also have to start paying my student loans back next month which is going to be $1980 (or $220 a month). And the icing on the cake? I hit a deer in my car on Friday. Luckily, there was minor damage (mostly cosmetic) but to have it fixed, I will have to pay my $1000 deductible. All of these recent expenses (two of which are unexpected) are making me think we should wait until this summer (when things settle down a little) to try our first IUI.