Yesterday Was Hard

Yesterday was a really hard day. I was sitting in the outpatient surgery center waiting to be called back for my (dreaded) HSG test, when I received a text from one of my best friends who just found out she was pregnant. I am extremely happy for her, but I didn’t expect to receive the news at a moment like that (she has no idea I am TTC).

Shortly after I received her message, the nurse called me back for the HSG. I changed into the hospital gown and laid on that cold, hard table in the X-ray room. The moment I laid down, the tears started to flow. All I could think about were the other women who have had to do this test. All I could think about were the women who conceived so easily, they never had to do this test. The nurse tried to cheer me up by jokingly saying “most people don’t usually cry until the doctor comes in.” I couldn’t even speak. I just continued to cry. I cried through the whole exam. I cried all the way home. I cried for me and I cried for you. I cried for every woman who has ever had to experience this.

The HSG test was awful. The doctor had to insert the catheter three times and the specs twice (because they came out). It was so uncomfortable that I told the doctor if the 3rd catheter didn’t work, I wanted to just stop the exam. I physically could not continue the test. Thankfully, the 3rd time worked and within 60 seconds I was done. The HSG wouldn’t have been so painful to me if they would have only had to do those things one time. The specs/catheter coming out turned my 2 minute test into 15 minutes of torture.

“Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can’t. It isn’t in my blood.”- Shawn Mendes

9 comments

  1. HKB · August 5, 2018

    You are allowed to cry — for all the reasons above and more. It is a normal release of emotions. I hope all turns out okay with the results!!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Secret Sistah · August 6, 2018

    I’m so sorry you had a hard time with it. It wasn’t pleasant for me at all. I hope all goes well with your results.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Jewel · August 7, 2018

    I am praying for positive results. That makes me so sad that they put you through so much pain. I pray you do not need another one of these ever and that you are blessed with a child soon. 🙂 Stay strong!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. foster advocate justice · August 8, 2018

    Wow, I have not gotten sad for myself or anyone yet but I completely understand your emotions. I have not had this test done yet but I am sure it will come to this soon. I will say a little prayer for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. ficklefertility · September 12, 2018

    I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. I’m right there with you, and I completely understand those feelings. Sending positive vibes to you!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s