Yesterday was a really hard day. I was sitting in the outpatient surgery center waiting to be called back for my (dreaded) HSG test, when I received a text from one of my best friends who just found out she was pregnant. I am extremely happy for her, but I didn’t expect to receive the news at a moment like that (she has no idea I am TTC).
Shortly after I received her message, the nurse called me back for the HSG. I changed into the hospital gown and laid on that cold, hard table in the X-ray room. The moment I laid down, the tears started to flow. All I could think about were the other women who have had to do this test. All I could think about were the women who conceived so easily, they never had to do this test. The nurse tried to cheer me up by jokingly saying “most people don’t usually cry until the doctor comes in.” I couldn’t even speak. I just continued to cry. I cried through the whole exam. I cried all the way home. I cried for me and I cried for you. I cried for every woman who has ever had to experience this.
The HSG test was awful. The doctor had to insert the catheter three times and the specs twice (because they came out). It was so uncomfortable that I told the doctor if the 3rd catheter didn’t work, I wanted to just stop the exam. I physically could not continue the test. Thankfully, the 3rd time worked and within 60 seconds I was done. The HSG wouldn’t have been so painful to me if they would have only had to do those things one time. The specs/catheter coming out turned my 2 minute test into 15 minutes of torture.
“Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can’t. It isn’t in my blood.”- Shawn Mendes