I had one of those moments yesterday. You know those moments when you physically can’t catch your breath? Those moments when the tears start flowing and they just won’t stop? Those moments when you feel your heart shatter into a million pieces? I had one of those moments yesterday.

I was digging through my hope chest when I came across something that stopped me in my tracks: my husband’s baby book. I have seen his baby book before but this was my first time laying eyes on it since we started our journey through infertility. I hesitated to open it but I couldn’t resist.

The pages were covered in photos of the cutest brown eyed little boy I have ever seen. I smiled as I turned the first few pages. My first thought was, “I can’t wait to have a beautiful brown eyed baby like him” and then it hit me. I may never have a beautiful brown eyed baby like him. I may never have a baby who is half me and half the person I love, or a baby at all for that matter. If the thought of that doesn’t break your damn heart, I don’t know what will.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.”-Isaiah 43:2