CD18 Update-Postponed IUI

I went back to the clinic on Monday for my baseline ultrasound and labs. I talked to the doctor and after discussing our options, we decided to skip the IUI this month. The doctor wants us to start Gonal-F injectables in combination with Letrozole next cycle (she wanted us to start those this month but my insurance couldn’t ship it out fast enough). We have to pay $395 out of pocket for our IUI so I would rather wait until next month when I have the new meds to help with our chances.

I am really excited about trying IUI for the first time so I am kinda bummed that we are skipping this month. But it just makes more sense to wait until we have the new meds to try it. So this month we are just trying the good old fashion way + Letrozole.

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Today Was The Day

I went to the clinic this morning for my baseline blood work and ultrasound (CD3). Today was the day the doctor decided that it is time for us to move on to more “aggressive” measures. I am responding well to the letrozole so she wants us to move on to IUI. If the IUI is not successful this cycle, we will try IUI again next month with a combo cycle of letrozole and injectable meds (gonal-f).

This is exciting and nerve racking. I am excited to move on to the next step but I am oh so scared. I am scared of getting my hopes up and then being crushed. I am scared of jumping in to the next step because I know what comes after that step. I will post an update when CD14 arrives!

Timed Intercourse Cycle 2-BFN

I go back to the clinic on Wednesday for a pregnancy test. I decided to sneak yesterday and take a home test. I took the trigger shot so I assumed I would see a false positive. There was a very faint line (as expected). The heart break came today when I tested again and the faint line was completely gone. If I were pregnant, I assume the line would continue to get darker and not get lighter/disappear. I am not holding my breath for my appointment Wednesday because I am certain I am not pregnant.

Where do we go from here? I assume another round of timed intercourse with a trigger. Part of me wants to move on to IUI but I am also really scared to. I am not scared of the actual IUI, I am scared of rushing in to the next step. You know, the step before IVF. But part of me wants to do it because I am so damn tired of not being pregnant. I am so damn tired of not being a mom. I am so.damn.tired.

I am also not thrilled about having to pay out of pocket for an IUI right now. We are in the middle of filing our taxes but as of right now, we owe $1,900. We also have to start paying my student loans back next month which is going to be $1980 (or $220 a month). And the icing on the cake? I hit a deer in my car on Friday. Luckily, there was minor damage (mostly cosmetic) but to have it fixed, I will have to pay my $1000 deductible. All of these recent expenses (two of which are unexpected) are making me think we should wait until this summer (when things settle down a little) to try our first IUI.

One Week Followup

I returned to the clinic today for a one week follow up (approximately 7DPO) and a progesterone check. My progesterone came back at 10.3 (which I assume means I ovulated). However, the doctor said IF I’m pregnant, to maintain a health pregnancy, progesterone should be closer to 15. So she prescribed me progesterone suppositories (yuck). I start them tomorrow night so wish me luck! I am nervous about taking them and I am not thrilled with the fact that low progesterone is just one more issue added to my list.

I go back next Wednesday for my pregnancy test! I will update with the results (I feel certain it will be the same as every other pregnancy test I have taken). I need all the prayers I can get.

Finally Pulled The Trigger 😱

I finished Letrozole last week and went to the clinic on Friday (CD 14) to check ovulation. Unfortunately, my follicles weren’t large enough yet. So I returned to the clinic on Monday morning for another check. Surprise surprise, still not time for ovulation. I went back this morning for another check (third times a charm, right?) and I was finally ready for ovulation! The nurse gave me my trigger shot (I am terrified of needles but it really wasn’t so bad) and instructed us to “get busy” for the next 3 days.

I will return to the clinic next Wednesday to check my progesterone levels and then again the following Wednesday for a pregnancy test. Please pray that this is a successful cycle!

“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”-Matthew 17:20

When PCOS Ruins Your Plans

My husband and I were supposed to attend a formal event for charity this weekend in my hometown. I have looked forward to this event for months but I decided at the last minute, I wasn’t going. I am (well, was) a member of the charity organization and this was a mandatory event for all of the members but I just couldn’t force myself to go. Read below for a list of reasons that led to my decision:

I started Letrozole this week and I have had allllll the side effects (mood swings, nausea, dizzy spells, hot flashes, and weight gain). I rented 4 dresses for the formal event and I was horrified to realize 3 weeks later, none of them fit.

I have developed a (terrible) habit of taking the tweezers to my chin and neck and plucking every little black hair I can see/feel. I have always plucked these hairs but usually I wait until I can see them (which usually means they are long enough to pluck). Lately, I have started plucking them when I feel the coarse hair and this has led to me digging and picking at my face for hours. Which has also lead to scabs and scars all over my face. I have picked and plucked so hard that I have caused bruising in some places on my chin. It seems like the hair on my face is starting to double. My husband asked me last night what was on my face that was causing me to pick at it and I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was black facial hair. I would imagine he would be horrified to know his wife is growing a damn beard.

Last week, I was trying on a v neck top in the dressing room of target, when I noticed a trail of black hair right down the middle of my chest (I may or may not have had a complete break down in the target dressing room). Of course, I instantly started picking and plucking, which means there are bumps and scabs all over my chest right now too.

Letrozole side effects+facial hair+chest hair+break outs on your face+break outs on your chest=the most unattractive I have felt in my entire life.

I know my friends are upset that I decided not to attend the event (which also meant resigning from the charity organization since it was a mandatory event) but I couldn’t force myself to attend any event that requires me to put on more than sweat pants right now. I wish I could explain to them why I decided not to attend but that would mean revealing my TTC secret and I am not ready for that right now. One day, I will be able to explain it to them but I just can’t do that right now.

“We must understand that sadness is an ocean, and sometimes we drown, while other days we are forced to swim.”

Progesterone Round Two

I went to the doctor last Monday because my cycle STILL hasn’t arrived. My last cycle was in November so the doctor decided to put me on progesterone (or the crazy pill as my husband calls it) to jump start it. This is my second time taking progesterone because up until now my cycles have been semi-regular. I stopped my Metformin in October because of the GI issues and I assume that is why my cycle has become more irregular.

The only side effect I have had (thus far) from the progesterone is drowsiness; which has actually been pretty amazing. I have gotten some of the best sleep since I started the progesterone! I am telling you, I haven’t sleep this good in YEARS! My husband has noticed me saying full sentences in my sleep since I stated the medication last Monday!

I am supposed to take the progesterone for 10 days and then my cycle will start within 10 days of the last pill. Once my cycle starts, we are back to our regular “timed intercourse” schedule. Baseline monitoring on the first and 14th day of my cycle, 5 days of letrozole, a trigger shot, and lots of “baby dancing.”